It was a typical afternoon at the Power Chamber. The Power Rangers had just successfully defeated yet another one of Mondo's hideous monstrosities and were discussing the battle with Zordon and Alpha 5.
"We had the coolest explosion ever!" Rocky exclaimed, jumping up and down. "You guys should've seen it!"
Zordon rolled his eyes. "No, duh. Why do you think we call it a 'viewing globe'?"
"Never mind the explosion," Jason bragged. "Didn't you guys think it was just great the way I blocked that Flashlight Monster's beam with Pyramidas?"
"Oh God, not again," Adam moaned.
Tommy snorted. "Yeah, great. Not that it made any difference since I had already removed its batteries."
"Guys?" Kat started.
Jason and Tommy began to glare at each other.
"Oh yeah?" Jason shouted. "Well if I...."
"SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" all the other Rangers, Zordon and Alpha screamed.
Tommy and Jason looked bewilderingly at their teammates. "Huh?" they both uttered, their ears still ringing from the screams.
"Don't you guys remember what happened the last time you let your egos take over?" asked Kat. She pointed to Bulk and Skull who had been working on some electronic equipment in a corner and listening to the ongoing conversation. "We got those two idiots as our leaders."
"Hey!" Bulk yelped! "We got it! We fixed the outerspace radio thingy! We can call Aquitar again!"
Skull stuck his tongue out at Kat. "Idiots, huh? Come on, Bulk, lets go get some hakes." With that Bulk and Skull transported out.
"I just hope that we don't have any more changes on the team for a long time," Adam said.
Tommy shrugged. "Anyway that wasn't our fault. Zordon's the one who got so soused that he decided to add them to the team." "By the way, Zordon, how is AA going?"
Zordon glared at Tommy from his tube. "What the #$#@$ do you care? Alpha where is my whiskey? Tell me or I'll....."
"Boom!!!" they heard a wall within one of the many underground tunnels being blasted in. A few seconds later came a faint but familiar voice. "Hey! This is the place! I'm sure of it."
"What was that?" Kat shrieked.
"What was that?" Zordon mimicked in a high pitched falsetto. "What the hell was I drinking when I picked you to be a Ranger?"
Kat glowered at Zordon. "Why you...."
Suddenly, the far wall crumpled. The Rangers stared in shock and dismay as several of their non-Ranger friends and aquaintances stepped over the rubble.
********************************************************* "What'd you guys build this power chamber out of? Cardboard?" Tommy asked Alpha.
"I knew we shouldn't have gone with that bidder from the Leggo Company," Alpha murmured.
"Hey, there's Emily," shouted Jason. "Hi Emily, what are......"
"Don't "hi" me you lying piece of $#$%."
"Umm, what's wrong, Emily?" Kat asked.
"What's wrong?? What's wrong?? This jerk told me that he'd pull some strings and get me in as the Pink Ranger if I became his personal love slave. So I debase myself to this egomaniac, and for what? A minor part where all I do is serve drinks to a bunch of nerdy pimpleheads."
"That's not my fault," Jason defended himself. "Zordon promised me that he would send Kat over the cliff during that skiing episode because he said she was expe..expen...ummm...."
"Expendable," Zordon finished, "ooops."
Kat turned a bright shade of purple. "You two plotted to push me off a cliff?????" she screeched. "How dare you! Tommmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!"
Tommy looked at Kat and yawned. "Geez, we're not even fighting monsters, deal with this one yourself."
Kat broke down in tears. "I..I..I can't. I don't know how. I guess I am expendable like they said. Here Emily, you can be the Pink Ranger." Kat tossed her morpher to Emily. "And I hope you choke on it!" Kat beamed herself out of the Power Chamber.
"Oh great," Tommy sighed. "Now I won't have to spend every battle rescuing her."
"All right!" Emily squealed. "I look great in pink."
********************************************************* "ToOoOoOMEEEEE!" Tommy cringed at the all too familiar voice.
"You said I could be a Ranger. You promised!"
Tommy turned to the source of the whining voice. "David!" He said in a harsh whisper. "Will you please stop that whining. It's so annoying. God, I just can't believe we're actually brothers."
"But you promised." David continued to whine. "You said that you would talk to Zordon about getting me into the Power Rangers!"
"I only promised you that because you kept whining and threatening to tell my parents about my being a Power Ranger." Tommy said through clenched teeth. "Why on earth would I actually get Zordon to make a big baby like you into a Power Ranger?"
"ToOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE....."
"Air raid!" someone yelled. Everyone in the Power Chamber dove to the floor and covered their ears. Tommy, groaning in extreme pain, ripped out his morpher and tossed it to David. "Here! Take it! But for God's sake stop that infernal whining! I'm out of here!" With that, Tommy transported out of the Power Chamber.
********************************************************* Tanya looked at a group of girls who seemed to be scanning the room for someone. "Can I help you?" She asked them.
"Where's Billy?" asked Violet.
"We want Billy!" shouted Laura.
"We know he's here. We know he's a Power Ranger. Where's he hiding?" Violet demanded.
"Ummm, Billy? A Power Ranger? I have no idea what you're talking about." Tanya said lamely.
"Don't even try to tell us that," said Marge. "I've known he was a Power Ranger ever since he saved me from Madam Woe. I recognized his voice while he was rescuing me." She sighed. "What a voice. What a body." Violet and Laura sighed as well.
Marge began to examine and work on the Power Chamber equipment. Suddenly she squealed in delight. "I found Billy!" Violet and Laura ran up to her.
"Where? Where?" Laura asked excitedly.
"He's on a water planet called Aquitar." Marge continued to study the read-outs on Billy. "And he's staying with.....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" She pointed to the picture of Cestria that had just popped up.
"A fish slut?" Violet screamed in anger. "He dumped all of us for a fish slut?"
Laura simply began to cry. "I want my Billy back!"
"Don't worry," said Marge. "I've got this transporter system figured out."
"Let's go then," said Violet.
"No, wait!" called Zordon. "You can't do that!"
"Oh no?" asked Marge. "Watch this!" She pressed a few buttons and Violet, Laura and she were teleported to Aquitar.
"What the #$%@&@* are you three doing here?" Billy's voice came loud and clear over the Power Chamber's communication system that Alpha had accidentally left on.
"Oops," said Alpha quickly turning the system off.
At that point the communication signal began to beep. Alpha pressed the buttons re-connecting them to Aquitar. "Yes, Billy, what is it? Do you wish to send your visitors back to Earth now?" asked Zordon.
"Send them back? Are you kidding?" Billy's image formed on the screen. He was wearing a dark blue silk robe and relaxing in a recliner-type chair. Marge was standing behind him combing his hair. Violet was handing him a drink. Laura was rubbing his feet. And Cestria was fanning him with a large bamboo-type fan. "Did you guys know that one of the best perks about Aquitar is that harems are not only legal but commonplace? I may never go back."
************************************************************** "Hey Jason!" Jason turned around and saw Richie glowering at him. "Oh umm, hi Richie, funny seeing you here."
"Funny indeed, you promised me that I could be the Red Ranger if I kept Trini away from you so you could spend more time admiring your own muscles."
"I only did that so Trini would stop hinting at me for a date. I got more important things to think about." Jason said while absent-mindedly staring at his reflection off a highly polished machine. "And there's no way I'd get you into the Power Rangers."
Billy snorted over the viewscreen. "Hinted? Hell, Trini barely knew you existed, you egomaniac. Why would she when she was having me almost every night."
Richie stared at Jason. "Oh really? And what if I decide to tell everyone here the real reason why you didn't want Trini? What if I let out that you're ...."
"Ok! Ok! Jason clamped his hand over Richie's mouth. You can take ummm... Rocky's powers." Jason grabbed Rocky's morpher and tossed it to Richie. "Just don't say it!"
"Hey!" Rocky exclaimed. But seeing that no one even noticed, he just shrugged his shoulders and transported out.
"All right! Red ran....hey it's blue!" Richie looked thoughtful. "Oh well, I'll just have to redo my wardrobe again."
"Um, Emily," Tanya whispered. "How can Jason be gay if he's dating you?"
"Oh he's not gay," replied Emily. "He just doesn't want anyone to know that he sleeps with his own "Tickle me Elmo."
**************************************************************** Raymond looked at the computer consoles. "Wow, you guys got some great equipment here."
Tanya glanced at Adam. "I don't think it's so great."
"That's not what he's talking about," Adam grumbled.
"So who runs this stuff?"
Adam stared confusedly at Raymond. "Who runs this stuff? Gee, I don't know....I mean Billy used to but he's not here anymore. He's uhhh off making preliminary contacts with alien worlds for the future good of mankind."
Adam was interrupted by a loud burst of giggles from over the viewscreen. "Billy, not now, you know I'm ticklish there."
"Well, that's what he told us," Adam blushed.
"So you mean no one runs this stuff?" Raymond handed Adam a business card. On it was "Nerdy Computer Geek for Hire...No job too big or too small.
Tanya looked toward the back of the room where Bulk and Skull were now slurping their shakes and dripping them on the delicate machinery.
"Well, considering they are our current 'experts,' I guess not."
Adam and Tanya looked at the card. "Well, we do need someone who can run the computers, but who should he replace?" Tanya asked.
"We could do rock, paper, scissors." Adam held out his hand.
"Nah, I've got a better idea." With that Tanya ran across the room, jump kicked Jason unconscious to the ground, grabbed his golden power staff and tossed it to Raymond in one swift move.
Tanya ran up to Adam "How was that?"
"Well, I guess that's another way to choose," Adam said staring cautiously at Tanya while backing slowly away from her.
"Oh wow! The golden power staff!" Raymond shouted excitedly.
******************************************************************* "Ok, where is he? Where's that lying cousin of mine?" Curtis glared at the old Black Ranger suit that was on display. "He said I could be the Black Ranger once he left. He said that if I gave him my trumpet and stopped hanging round him he'd fix it so I could be a ranger."
Adam rolled his eyes. "You know he's at that peace conference in Switzerland."
"Peace conference my $^#^@&#!" Curtis handed Adam a flier.
Despite it being from Switzerland, the words were in english. It said "Girls! Girls! Girls! Come one, come all for a steaming hot time at Z and J's all girl revue." On the flier was a picture of Zack and Jason standing in a group of smiling and waving bikini clad girls. Off to one side was Trini, holding her arms over her chest and scowling at the camera.
"What the...." Tanya stared at the flier. Then she glared at Jason who was now consious and standing. "You were supposed to be at a peace conference, not running a girlie show, you PIG!"
Jason held his hands out defensively. "Well, you can't really expect us to be at a peace conference for two years. Besides, what better way to promote world peace?"
"Why you..." Tanya tried to attack Jason but Adam held out his arm to calm her as Jason quickly teleported out.
"Whoa, Tanya," Adam said. "I know Jason was wrong, but aren't you overreacting?"
Tanya turned to Adam. "Really? And what part did you have in this?" She jumped at Adam in an attempt to scratch him.
Adam jumped back. "Hey, I've already got enough scratches from last night, I don't need anymore. Here, Curtis." He tossed his morpher to Curtis and quickly transported away.
Tanya looked around her. Emily and Richie were standing in one corner discussing their experiences in working at the Juice Bar and arguing over who was the best server. Curtis was in another corner playing his trumpet loudly and off tune. Raymond was placing coasters under Bulk and Skull's shakes. And Zordon was swigging down a bottle of whiskey while David whined to him about the star on his new helmet.
"No way I'm staying here," she grumbled. "But who's left to give my power to?" Then she spotted a figure standing quietly in the corner. "Ah, finally! A red herring who actually knows martial arts! Here, catch!" With that, she flung her morpher at the figure and transported out.
"What the..." asked Penny as something hard bounced off her chest. She bent down to pick it up. "A morpher! Hey, thanks!" she yelled to the empty spot where Tanya had been.
